all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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