so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
