If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
