awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
