I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
