Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
