I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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