you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
