So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
