i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
