I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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