We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
