OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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