ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
