I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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