sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
