I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
