I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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