FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
