booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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