I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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