Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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