I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
