just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
