I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize