i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
