dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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