I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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