you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
