my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
