I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
