i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
