I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
