My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
