That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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