4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
