just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
