Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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