guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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