Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
