very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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