I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
