my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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