Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
