I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
