And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
