Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
