why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
