If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
