I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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