pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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