maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
