If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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