dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
